conscious nightmares xmas

Wake up from a nightmare with morning wood at 8pm and my pituatry (biology is the only subject i failed in h school) squirts adrenaline through my the remains of my central nervous system, which seems to have grown steriods not from narcotics nor life but the fragility of both its existance and whats happened in it, giving it a steriod like short dick complex that grows and cancers out the joys of waking up throbbing. Ho hum. I was a bad boy all year and I know that i wont be getting anything I want tomorrow (well in two hours). No guns, xmas turkey (or whatever, i just hope i can find a fucking mcdonalds)to fuck, wrapped gifts that are insincere (but tangible), pot (its been a week). No melbourne. Maybe why I get rock hard and throb during nightmares is the same reason why I do with porn. Its not real. No. Nightmares are real. Porn is fake. You can put porn away. You can burn porn. You can throw it away. You can put it in an envelope and send it to someone you don't know. You can read the articles. You can leave it in a bathroom and let someone elses mind have to deal with it, while its out of your sight, out of your mind. Xmas is the epitome of the hypocrisy of christianity. I dont care. It was xmas everyday for me when i was a kleptomaniac.